...
Don't die.
Just got back from town AGAIN. Had to go pick up the prescription to replace my regular one while they're not getting my regular one, and it cost me over $50 more for it. If I don't have it, I go way downhill pretty damn fast. Near death only a couple of summers ago just from that putz accidentally halving my dosage.
I leave the pharmacy, feeling my will to live trying to escape to a dark sector of my inner cosmos... not even wanting to get back into my car, just sort of gazing morosely at the smoky general area and then turned around and started to gripe to a very pudgy old indian who'd been sitting on the smoking bench near where I parked.
He's all griping about his stupid teenager niece who'd copped a 'tude and gone off somewhere, and now was back with her tail between her legs and NOT telling him what happened... and I'm telling him I just goddam had to pay over fitty bucks more for my thyroid pills than usual because of some clerical or shipping fuck up and my cream went sour waiting to fix it so I could get EVEN this usurious affront to decency to keep me alive... and he's telling me his ex died from her thyroid....
Cancer?
No. She was a drunk who wouldn't go to the doctor and had a goiter so big it blocked her airway and she suffocated to death. Jesus. A drop of iodine a day and she'd still be a drunk with no goiter. Ignorance. She died of pure ignorance.
He's pointing over at the fairgrounds, where a band is playing some upbeat something that sounds to me like the background music for a movie depicting an old woman whose psychopathic sister has depressed her into hanging herself on a ferris wheel, and tells me he wants to go over there and party, that I should do it too.
Then he starts in about his niece who won't talk, and begins to hint that some group of "friends" stood around while something bad happened to her, and comparing it to a homeless guy getting robbed and all his compatriots standing around and doing nothing while it happened to him. He raises his voice about nobody having any morals anymore.
I replied that is almost precisely right, and that it's happening from homeless people all the way up the socio-economic ladder to the fabulously wealthy. Everywhere. All of us. Everybody... everybody but a precious few.
He said, "For sure this ain't the fifties anymore," and started eyeing the fairgrounds again, telling me I ought to go give that a whirl. He was going to do it.
I told him I didn't have the chi for it, that I thought I better drive back and crawl into my little hole. He was okay with that plan so long as I would at least play some nice music on the way home.
I should have.
But I didn't, and then I got this crap.
pipe up any time....
