nightmare with perks

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I finally got some real sleep last night... with the dreams... the full monte... like normal humans. It's been a long time. Been settling for getting a lot of the not full spectrum sleep to keep from losing my shit altogether. So this feels pretty damn good, like a lucid person with her lights on less than an hour after I've gotten out of bed.

I was a street person — much younger than my chronology — on the sidewalk with my friends. One of them asked us if we thought he should such and such and we said fuck yeah you should and he went off to do it. I was there with a guy who looked like my high school friend's no-account first husband, but he was not him.

There was a waft of familiarity, like it would have to have been him, but nope, it was trust and that wouldn't be happening from that particular brilliant loser. He just looked like him... and we were getting very get-a-room together for street people, when our friend came back with a few hundred thousand dollars in cash... really glad — gleeful — he'd taken our advice.

It was too much for him to hold onto with both hands and a bunch of it was falling on the street. We were helping him pick it back up. Then my friend was stroking me and asking me if I wanted him, and I'm nodding, and he's asking how much, and I'm saying, "Like so much I would do it even if it were incest." He really liked that answer.

There's a lot of coming and going around us and more men who are interested in me and Trisha skulking into the Mexican nightclub next to us, carrying a small instrument case. More street people. More people out clubbing, some exchanges, some pretending nobody was interested in nobody and logistics and waiting for the club to close.

It finally did, and a stream of musicians were exiting the side door and walking past us in a line. One of them was my sister, and she was waddling past with her tuba, her nose in the air, and her hair tightly knotted in toddler braids... then, my lover covered me with this funny orange material — the same as the grocery tote Peggy gave me — and we finally got to it, finally some privacy and no competition... and... then... just the very split second shock of penetration and I made him disappear....

I will need a long think on this, but it has not eluded me who was playing in the band and who was there for me on the street, so there for me it didn't feel like the street.

pipe up any time....