i am crestfallen

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I have been laboring under the delusion that Dairy Queen is Dairy Queen because they use actual dairy products in their fabulous array of supposedly dairy product menu items. I thought that was the whole gig. I know, I know, it's full of poisonous fast food, and so I never eat there, but I was just sure the MooLattés were your basic all-American ice cream with some high test coffee and ice all blended into them. Every once in a while I get one at the drive thru in Brookings. They ROCK. I've been finding myself wanting to stop for one more often since Poppa died. He was big on milkshakes and we used to share them. It hit me I could probably have my MooLatté on my way home from the store up there, since I never go more than twice a month, but I decided to look at what egregious number of really unnecessary calories this was going to come to.

One large MooLatté only has 90 calories!

Yippee! I start to do a jig... and then... and then a feeling of doom comes over me.... Wait a minute. Those suckers are pretty big and there has to be more calories than that just in the ice cream alone....

I look again. 90 calories per LARGE MooLatté. Oh, shit. I scrolled down to catch a load of the ingredients.

Oh. My. God.


Let down yer vigilance for just one itty nostalgic thing, and BIP-BAM. Yer dead. The only nontoxic ingredients in a MooLatté are the coffee and the water... and maybe not even those... the rest of it is composed wholly of every single thing on the list of things people who are not suicidally moronic won't touch with a ten-foot pole. Fuck.