i am reminded of my failings

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I badly need help from a master, my teacher, to interpret that dream where my father kidnapped me and brought me to the library/museum/conference center, I think in Berkeley. He had been dead sixty-three days. He was more adamant than I'd seen him in my entire life. It was an important dream and, while I know part of it, I need help with it, too. Part of me thinks I need to get the full picture and live up to it myself, and part of me feels there can't be any vestige of illusion left in the one getting the meaning from it or this will be fatal. Fatal in the might as well be dead sense.

I was in the main library at UC Berkeley some years ago and found some history books quite better than one finds elsewhere. They were still making a hash of it, but they were including the original documents, and I saw, to my astonishment, that they, we, have been mistaking what the indians were saying to us all along. I know I've mentioned the letter from the Cherokee delegation to Washington addressing the president as "Great White Father". This has been taken to mean they thought the president was their great white father. It meant "leader of the white people". It meant "President of the United States". And the content of that letter, while taken as quaint and superstitious, was in fact serious advice about how to live in and benefit the world. It was CLEAR to me they were speaking to him as courteously as they could muster, while tuning him up on what is not done, how to be a grown up instead of a greedy child in the world.

I need to do more of this. Badly. And maybe not just with what my native ancestors meant, but what all my ancestors meant, all OUR ancestors meant.

I had the same feeling back then, when I came upon that old letter in that book, and started in on it immediately. What I found was oceans of tainted-beyond-recognition stories, perpetuated by indians themselves, about what came from the ancestors. It is precisely like the followers of Akhenaten slaughtering Druids and decimating their sacred spots, and building monasteries and cathedrals on top of them. The white invaders did this to the indians here. Wasichu wiped out the leaders and shamans and the keepers of the ancient knowledge, and mindfucked their descendants so thoroughly they were left to try to piece disparate clues together however best they could. They were infected with Christianity and ego and selfishness and the desire for self-elevation. The great library made possible by Sequoyah was burned to the ground. As far as I know, there was virtually nothing left upon which to reconstruct the knowledge their people had been carrying like an eternal flame for millennia.

Each and every bit needs to be pored over and stripped of the ravages of mindfucking to the greatest extent possible, to yield up the clues we need. I'm talking PRACTICALITY, not prophesy. I'm talking about no one can Ghost Dance who isn't perfected, or perfecting in the phase that does not backslide, inside. It takes leaders, true meritocratic leaders, to turn the masses from error and bring them into this. They don't look for followers. People naturally want to follow them. People naturally want to hear them, and see them, and help them, and be like them. We do still know THAT much about true humans... even if we only get to dream about it at the movies nowadays.

I don't want to be one of these people, but I have no choice but to get there or be good as dead.