...
Well into our post-apocalyptic year, I'm still hearing people talking about the big anti-climax of the end of the Mayan calendar. I keep meaning to mention it, and then just don't, but I did in fact feel the shift. The three days of the solstice did feel noticeably different to me. It is very hard to put into words, but I am reminded of a term I once heard my teacher quoting... when the air is hollow....
I don't know if regular people's bells start ringing when they hear this term, but it definitely sets off the ringing for us finely-tune high-performance vehicles. I'm really good at describing things and I can't come up with anything better.
The air went hollow sometime in early evening the night before and stayed that way until sometime on the 23rd. This was also somewhere around the time I really began thinking I was in here somewhere after all. I don't know if they are related. I just know that I keep having this feeling of nearing reconnection with myself, with my actual faculties. I don't know if that is the shedding that follows insight finally nearing completion or if the celestial configuration relative to my position in space is just clearing up the electrical befuddlement that has been ruling this benighted plane.
I am unsure, even, if it is all the exotic supplements I've been shoveling in, because it isn't smooth. It isn't a smooth progression from fuzziness to clarity. The brume keeps moving out and back in, out and back in, to a varying extent, daily... sometimes even hourly.
It just doesn't feel like aging to me anymore. It feels like a homemade filtration device making its way in fits and blasts... as though whatever is being filtered works better at certain times than others. For all I know it's the coming and going of the radars that beam me from the naval training reservation offshore. Maybe they just switched-off their machinery for Christmas leave. That really could have been it. Just as, immediately upon disconnecting my roam phones from the electrical outlets in my house, I felt the difference. Immediately.
Whatever it is, it is no longer progressing steadily downhill.
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