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The first thing I do whenever I move into a new house is tear out all the smoke detectors. No. I do not want to die in my sleep—well, yes I do, but not like that—but still no. I do not want those fuckin' things tearing out my internal wiring when they go off because I'm cooking. And you don't even want to ever in your wildest dreams for the rest of your life encounter what happens when one of them has awakened me with its chirping. No. Really. You would rather die in a fire.
