sorry, billy's been having a few really rough days

[click image for some horrifying information about psychopaths]


I am finally getting a few relatively peaceful and not totally exhausted moments to look at the world through the internet. We seem to be getting a handle on the best medication schedule to keep him comfortable and not climbing the walls... even though he absolutely cannot climb anything, let alone sit up unsupported.

Lest you think this is because he is weakened, you should know that a weakened Billy is almost certainly still stronger than most people you know. It's this big catastrophe of a very sturdy fellow with a big brain tumor... and, as you can well expect, he is NOT aware for more than seconds after we tell him that he cannot get out of bed because his legs are not working. He's still somehow both completely helpless and certain he's as able-bodied as ever... like there's just some sort of evil force field making him need help to get out of that bed.

So you already know how he's taking it. The entire county is aware of his displeasure and misery... not even through their regular senses, but they ALL feel the force waffling in from the beach. Everyone who hears the words "Billy is stuck" will find themselves trying to get here, even though they don't know him or where here is. We're talking titanic perseveration now.

My best friend is already gone. He's not awake much, but when he is, there is ONE subject, and only ONE subject. He said hi to his sister this evening, which was the first time he veered from it at all. It is maybe a cue that we're on the right track with his meds schedule, that there's hope his misery will indeed lessen and he can have some peace... even just a little, but we hope for more.

No more pills for various conditions. No more worrying about any of that. No trying to cure him. Just getting and keeping him as comfortable as possible on his way off this mortal coil. He is NOT making it easy on any of us, least of all himself.

So his wife and I have been hardworking basket cases since this tumor hit, and things are maybe going to ease up a bit from here on out. If not, we'll find other ways to slow him up, settle his hash, relieve his pain, EVERYTHING aimed at comfort and a peaceful exit, with those of us who love him by his side.

pipe up any time....