so desperately tired

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I can't even tell if this is the one I linked a while back, but chillout is the name of our game around these parts. Dr. Feelgood is frazzled. All the hospice nurses love me. I'm not needing them to drive out here every five minutes and I report faithfully any bumps in our road.

I got a couple minutes of my dear friend last night, where was he was his old reasonable and loving self. So I think we're on the right track with the meds... even if he sleeps most of the day and night... he's more like himself when he's awake now. So I finally got myself a decent cry out under the moon and stars last night.

Which is odd, really, because I usually can't do that when things are this terrible until after we've gotten through them. It is a mystery trait of mine. I don't lose my shit in emergencies. I handle them and THEN come to pieces after they've been dealt with. Took plenty of time before I realized this isn't the usual way people deal with terrible. They fall apart first, and need to be ordered around during... which, BTW, is WHY the globalist psychopaths keep scaring the crap out of everybody, but I digress.

This world has always come as something as a shock to me. I don't understand the petty. I don't understand the rapacious. I don't understand liars over 18 years old. Okay, I sort of get white lies, even though they're stupid and tedious and bad signs, but at least not SO destructive they make life hard. I keep seeing and hearing about and experiencing this stuff coming out of your basic American and... like I say... I just do NOT get it.

You aren't a friend, let alone a decent human, if you do that stuff. It's hell being around you. It's too awful and somehow people manage to excuse themselves for it somehow, or act like it's only natural. No it's not. Wake the fuck up. Straighten up and fly right. Get a life. Good Christ! Make it stop.

Billy has ALWAYS understood this... from the day I met him, 51 years ago. That's who's dying of a big fat brain tumor in the other room right now, and it hurts big.

pipe up any time....