sincerely no thing of beauty, or inflammation blues

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THAT is what emerged from my bed today. Face, neck, hands and feet... probably the rest of me... puffed up like the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Really, it's mostly everything above my thyroid gland that is blown out of all proportion. I can barely breathe from the sinuses too swollen to let air through. Headache. Oh, headache, big time. Earache too. Bizarre itching under my chin on the left side. Have looked everywhere for a brown recluse bite to explain it, but, well, that doesn't explain it.

I had been suffering from my thyroid tanking again. Getting so sleepy after eating ANYTHING that I literally could not stay upright, and being hungry constantly... serious difficulty telling my ass from a tea kettle... which... if you can't imagine... are radically different phenomena, almost impossible to get wrong on an IQ test... unless... unless, of course, you are ME with a tanking thyroid gland.

No sweat. We know this drill. Call the doctor. Announce the demise of vitality, energy and spirit. Crawl into the go cart and get to the pharmacy. Bipbam. Sentience returned.

I did this. I felt like a drowned woman who'd just been restored to good old earthly air... for a few days. Then... argh... I started getting too sleepy to stand after eating my oats and kefir sometimes. Then, a couple days ago, when the monster electromagnetic squeeze was on full blast, my left eyeball tried to leap out of my face again, and I was awash with steroid eyedrops and nasal spray and the awfultude of the bodily secretions from cosmic unacceptability incarnate again. I'm good at this, too. I leapt on it and again prevailed over the eyeball escape attempt, but, damn, I felt right discombobulated. The trees were leaning. The road was cocked at a strange angle. It had taken me the whole day to get perky enough to go to the grocery store.

It meant my only option was late night Safeway, but, fuck it... can't be helped. I was too hungry. It's lethal on the budget to go to any grocery store when you're that hungry. I went to Denny's first. I ordered a BBQ sandwich and an iced coffee. I got a glop of sugary deep fried mystery meat on an air bun and a glass full of some ersatz milky coffeesque goo with ice cubes in it, that was so sweet that half a sip set my teeth on edge. I ate the french fries, and proceeded to the store.

I was out of it. So I wandered the aisles, reading labels. Nothing was free of toxins. When I went to get my jugs of distilled water I found some special for babies jugs, complete with the Gerber Baby on the labels, that said, "DISTILLED WATER, FLUORIDE ADDED". This put me in that terrible zone where my body is caught in mid-cosmos between the need to drop and the urge to scream bloody murder.

And today I got up ballooned out to about twice my normal size.

Just shoot me.

This is almost certainly going to mean another trip down to "the real world" where they demand so many tests and appointments and consultations with pharmacists that I run away with whatever insufficiency they've come up with in their harmful mantra of first-do-no-harm, with the futile hope it will fix it, and then wait to find out it's not fixed.

The one thing I have going for me is that the fight with doctors to get enough thyroid hormone is turning into a big deal. It's getting some press. People are aware that doctors are prevented from giving you enough by insurance companies who wave some bullshit about too much hormone screwing with your heart under their noses. This MEANS one is never well enough to avoid these monster inflammation days, and monster inflammation is EXTREMELY hazardous to your health.

Mother fuckers.